I love the phrase āpraise drivenā. I have struggled in the past when I donāt get positive feedback. I believed that knowing I would be told when Iād done something wrong (so assuming I was doing ok otherwise) was as good as getting positive comments. I think itās a belief from some leaders that too much positive feedback may stop their employees from working so hard but itās actually the opposite. Working for so long without positive comments kills motivation. I wish more would recognise itās importance and itās difference from āneeding constant validationā.
This all sounds very sad but Iām not in that situation anymore thankfully!
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Consider the form your feedback takes
Itās really important to find out how the person you want to give feedback to would like to receive it. Some will prefer a conversation but others may prefer to have it written down, perhaps followed up by a chat. If itās feedback on a particular event, perhaps something that person has facilitated, maybe theyād like to reflect on the experience themselves before receiving external feedback.
Thoughts on how to receive feedback
One of my favourite books is āYouāre Not Listeningā by Kate Murphy. It has taught me to not only be a better coach but also a better human. It explores how listening is a lost art. What we project is valued more than what we absorb. Listening isnāt just about hearing the words which are spoken but also how they are said, what the body language is saying, what the context is and what they are not saying and all of this involves paying a great deal more attention than we assume.
We think a lot faster than we talk which means we have spare thinking capacity when someone else is talking and we have a tendency to drift off during this time and think about other things. To become better listeners we should put more of our thinking capacity in to really listen. The biggest barrier to this is worrying about what youāll say in return. But the more you worry about this, the more words you miss and the more inappropriate your reply is likely to be. We fear silence following a statement or question but it shows attentiveness if we can embrace it.
If you get some constructive feedback itās so easy to slip into thinking about how to respond to this, how to argue that you acting in best intentions, how you only had the team in your mind when you did whatever you did. But if you acknowledge the feedback (if you agree) rather than justify or even apologise for your actions you take the opportunity to improve yourself. To strive to be better.
My current strategy
Working as a quality coach or an embedded tester, you may be educating the team on good testing and quality practices. Iāve found itās a journey to get the team on board, for them to see the value and for them to change their habits and behaviours. It can be really frustrating if you perceive progress to be slow and I sometimes struggle to see the good in whatās happening. But recognising the good behaviours (however small you might think them to be) and then shouting about them so others recognise what good looks like is, in my opinion, a better strategy than talking about when things havenāt gone as well as youād hope.
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I love that you mentioned NVC! That and Crucial Conversations are great resources for communication. Tuning into shared needs and approaching feedback with clear intention and objectivity are sooo important.
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No two ways about it, I often times give feedback in ways that I would like to receive it myself. I keep it factual, and rarely, if ever, stray into any personal territory. While I would suggest that feedback shouldnāt be combative, there might be situations where having a āfierce conversationā potentially could be helpful in cutting through the white noise to quickly get to the heart of the matter. But, I try to keep a mindset that when I do give that type of feedback, I try to be kind, no matter of my feelings that I might have for the person involved (positive or negative). If you approach a situation with kindness and facts in mind, feedback that you give is usually received in a much better way. But to be clear, some people, regardless of their position and/or personality, just donāt take criticism well. In those cases, itās always best to give the feedback objectively.
I havenāt always been very good at receiving feedback, this is true. As I am very close with the work that I do, I have taken things more personally than I probably should have. But I approach these types of conversations (receiving feedback) now from a much different perspective: Rather than focusing on mistakes I have made, it is more focused on how can I take that feed back and use it to be better/grow as a tester? I realize that this can be quite a subtle distinction, but one most definitely worthwhile to make. I also try to ask better questions in those moments, so that I can extract the most value from the discussion. Practice does make perfect, and having regularly scheduled feedback sessions with your supervisor or a trusted peer is a great way to keep things more objective.
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- Share your tips:
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Saying thank you is also feedback, when someone goes out of their way or does something that helps you.
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Be a giver of feedback, feel its just a way to acknowledge peoples contributions and when you learn from others.
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feedback shouldnāt be given with the expectation of it being returned
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Negative feedback, some people like it direct others you have to tread carefully but always ensure itās constructive and useful rather than a complaint.
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Donāt give negative feedback in front of a team or audience to someone. Take the person aside or book a meeting room.
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For difficult discussions look at possibly taking a 3rd person as a neutral. Sometimes having others views in tough discussions helps.
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Tend to take a reflective approach to feedback positive and negative. Itās someones opinion about an experience theyāve shared with you at a moment or over time. If its useful take it on board, if its not donāt do much with it
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I have always followed this principle of āPraising in Public, Correcting in Privateā. When there is an opportunity to praise a goodwork or effort of somebody, i collect the team and showcase the person and the work done - this not only encourages the person directly, but it also encourages the others to work to recieving such praise in front of everybody.
Though i follow āCorrecting in Privateā, sometime correction in public becomes important, of course without naming the person, just to make the rest of the team aware of the mistake made and so that they dont do that themselves.
Honest feedback is absolutely crucial for development, both positive and negative. It has helped me a lot in the growth of my career and myself personally.
I know they say, not to take feedback personally, but i believe the other way round. Only when we take the feedback personally, we will make conscious efforts to work on it and improve from there.
Of course we all feel bitter when we recieve negative feedback, but a little time spent on the feedback and our own introspection can help see the gaps and work on them. Our focus should be on the message, not the messenger.
When you are in a managerial position, it is important to provide feedback at regular intervals to the team, rather than only during appraisals. These are my thoughts!
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I like that example from Simon Sinek 
I think handling the feedback cycle, whether one is the, um, feedbacker or feedbackee, benefits from experience.
As a manager / senior employee that is often asked for feedback, with experience Iāve definitely improved with my timing - not choosing those high-adrenaline moments! - and also the format of delivery; eg a former Test Mgr of mine and now friend always arranged a face to face to go through feedback. I adopted this.
As well as being more respectful for the receiver, these strategies help me too as the feedback has better impact and a more positive outcome, better performance, productivity, happiness, better team etc.
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Iām QA fresher. After 10 years working as an Office administrator Iām trying to kickstart my career in IT. Two month getting the only response - Thank you, but not this time. No experience.
But just because itās hard doesnāt mean itās impossible, right?!
I DO believe that positive mindset, self-belief can be powerful tools for achieving my goals 
What has worked well for me
- Open and Honest Communication: The key to effective feedback is a culture of open and honest communication. When both parties are willing to express themselves without fear, it fosters a sense of trust and respect.
- Constructive Criticism: Providing feedback that is specific, constructive, and actionable has been a game-changer. Instead of simply pointing out flaws, suggest solutions and offer support to help your colleagues grow.
- Timeliness: Providing feedback promptly after an event or project allows for a more accurate and meaningful discussion. It helps in addressing issues before they escalate and become ingrained.
- Active Listening: Actively listening to the person receiving feedback is essential. It helps in understanding their perspective, and it demonstrates empathy and respect.
What hasnāt worked?
- Vague and General Feedback: Generic comments like āYou need to improveā without specifics can leave the receiver feeling lost and frustrated. Itās important to be precise.
- Public Criticism: Addressing issues in a public setting can be embarrassing and counterproductive. Keep feedback private to maintain dignity and trust.
- Lack of Follow-up: Giving feedback without follow-up and support can lead to a sense of abandonment. Regular check-ins and assistance are crucial for improvement.
- Neglecting Positive Feedback: Focusing solely on areas for improvement can demotivate individuals. Recognize and celebrate successes to maintain morale and motivation.
What are some things youād like to improve on?
- Delivering Difficult Feedback: Sometimes, delivering negative feedback is challenging. Iād like to improve my ability to address tough issues with empathy and diplomacy.
- Tailoring Feedback: Everyone is unique, and what works for one person may not work for another. I want to better tailor my feedback to individual preferences and needs.
- Encouraging Self-Feedback: Encouraging colleagues to self-assess and seek feedback can be an area for growth. Promoting self-awareness can lead to more proactive self-improvement.
- Creating a Feedback Culture: I aspire to contribute to a workplace culture where feedback is not only accepted but also actively sought after, with a focus on continuous improvement.
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Giving and receiving feedback has evolved for me throughout my professional journey. Major incident happened at work led me to profound realization that I have been living my whole life in auto pilot mode. After many self work & therapy sessions my perspective on feedback (also life) has changed. Right now my reaction to both positive and ābad" feedback is generally neutral and practically effortless.
Several factors helped me on how I receive feedback effectively. Firstly, I consiously avoid taking anything personally, including feedback. Secondly, I donāt wait in asking for feedback; rather, I directly ask the person especially when I sense that I did not deliver optimal results. Another aspect of my approach to handling ābadā feedback is that I donāt immediately accept or agree with it. Although I still appriciate and say thank you. Usually I ask the person some follow up questions and take some time to prosses and response. I donāt always adapt my work based on the feedback. Typically when the feedback may not align with my values. When I see value in ābadā feedback given and getting suggestions for improvement, I take proactive steps to work on it. Then I ask if they observe positive adjustments.
Getting good feedback that right now is more challenging for me. Usually it happen when the feedback is vague, example: you did good job. Or if I disagree with the feedback because I know it was not good enough from my perspective. My approach to getting good vague feedback is asking more details to understand better the reason.
Now about giving feedback. First I only provide feedback when asked.And if I have some ābadā feedback to give, Iād prefer to talk directly with the person rather than using formal form. This usually help to avoid miscommunication and later potentially can lose trust between us. The way that works for me in giving feedback, I follow 4 steps of non-violance communication rules while communicating the feedback. Then at the end I ask the other person how they feel, if they see the same way I do, if itās helpful, etc.
All of that of course donāt always happens. There are bad days, when stress level high, when my mental health is not good. All of that influence about the whole giving/receiving feedback.
Since Iām still a newbie, I donāt have much experience in giving and receiving feedback in tech world.
I agree with others that positive feedback is easier to give, but we should do it more often and face-to-face or even better in front of the team! My team mate recently automated OS checking and I was the first one to test it out. Everything worked well and now instead of 2 days testing, we can check it within 2 hours. So I brought it up at the end of morning stand up in front of the team and gave him praise!
So far Iāve received feedback from my manager in the 6 mth check-in meeting and it was all positive. All I said is that I would prefer to get feedback straight away when something needs to be improved, not 6 mths later, when I canāt even remember what I was doing.
With negative feedback - itās definitely a blow to our ego but what I tend to do, is I allow myself to soak up in all the negative thoughts for 10-15min (thoughts like āIām a failureā, āIām stupid and never gonna learn thisā etc) and then tell myself to stop and ask āWhat am I gonna do about it?ā So to understand the problem and then try to improve myself or even ask my manager some advise on ways to improve.
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- Reflect on your experiences: No matter how many years of experience, ask for feedback, you will improve and also get more audience. Normally I write documentation and ask to be reviewed by my Junior QA colleague, if he understand, all will understand. Jump on a call if you donāt agree with some message on team channels, that will reduce side conversations and minimize non existing problems.
- Share your tips: Iām a people person and willing to help every chance I get, so I start offering my assistance and expertise to my colleagues and share a booster about exploratory testing. That resulted in 1:1 meetings with the interested people and even suggest to create a learning academy for the team.
- Engage with the community: I like reading otherās people comments and posts, some I agree with and some I donāt, but I make a search accordingly what the information I need. Thanks for this community.
- Learn from others: The learning path is not isolated, you only grow if you accept feedback.
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Great advice, @cicarrageis. Thanks for sharing! 
That exploratory testing learning academy sounds cool.
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Really enjoy it, in fact I received really good feedbacks. Thanks
I remember when I was assigned test cases I would try to finish them as quick as possible. One of the senior tester in the advised me to take my time with it and not to finish it quickly
Doing it this way helped me to find more issues and aloud me to let them know if I need more time for the test cases.
Another feedback a qa manager mentioned to me was discussing with other members of the team when Iāve found an issue and want to get their input as well before reporting the issue. Helpful in getting different angles and discussing with my colleagues.