Hello! Good on you for reaching out.
I’ve only worked as a lone tester for a bit at one company which was followed by building a team (at that same company). So I don’t have lots of experience in that respect, however, a lot of what you’re saying sounds familiar.
@jmosley5 asks some great questions. I was left out of a lot of meetings but I found it really helpful to befriend developers and talk things through with them. Speaking to people about the products/features/processes helps massively in feeling part of the team, let alone finding an ally to help focus on quality.
If you’re able to get involved in conversations and meetings about features before they land on your plate that will help you as well as helping the team. Is there any discussion around quality at all or shared responsibility around the outcome of what you’re building?
I had to be quite vigilant to know what was going on in terms of meetings I knew was going to be left out of. If I heard about people getting together to discuss something relevant to my work I would ask to be included. Sometimes I’d be told no because the business couldn’t charge the client for me to be included a meeting (I was working for an agency at the time) but a lot of the time it wasn’t a problem, especially if it was an internal meeting. It is tiring, boring and at times disheartening having to constantly ask to be involved but eventually some people will start to include you as standard. And you get to have input so you’re being proactive rather than reactive.
I found it helped to not be afraid to be a bit of an ahole as well. Unfortunately, there’s an element of fighting to it, which is unfair and sucks, but is kind of the way of the QA and you have to stand up for yourself, as I’m sure you’re already aware. It might not apply to you but when I was a bit of an ahole and stood up for myself it gave me more control, more self-belief and seemingly more respect from others. I remember letting a project manager know in no uncertain times hat it wasn’t okay for them to just make estimates for me and assign my time without asking me first and the head of design saying he wished he could stand up in the same way. It was uncomfortable doing it but it helped.
Also, out of curiosity, where does the drive for automation come from? Is it required by management or something you’ve put in place?
In terms of burnout, I’ve had to take time out with stress in the past as recommended by a doctor. It’s definitely worth speaking to your manager to see if there’s anything they can do. And speaking with other leads in your company. Even if it’s just to build more rapport with them and feel like part of the team. It can definitely lead to them looking out for you as well. I remember a dev building a whole testing tool into an app because I spoke to him a lot and so he considered me in the process. And also speaking to the testing community helps (which you’ve already started which is great). And speaking to friends or family or anyone who can listen.
Hobbies and looking after yourself are incredibly helpful, as well as setting boundaries (if only with yourself) to try and address the work/life balance (not sure if this an issue for you, but I was working on average nearly 10 hours extra a week when I was the sole tester). And remember, it’s not your business. You don’t have to care with all of your being, if that’s what’s happening. It helps to have some distance mentally.
Do seek professional help if you need it, though, like others have said. It sounds like you’re at a point where it would be helpful to you, tbh. It’s worth doing, even if you only need a helping hand. I did Cognitive Behavioural Therapy years ago and it still helps me to this day.
And again like others have said, there is the option to look for a new job. You’ll have picked up invaluable skills along the way and a different perspective to a lot of people who haven’t done the role of sole tester. Would you like to join a team of testers/QAs?
It sounds like hard work where you are and in terms of the business it sounds like a cultural shift would help you. That’s obviously an awful lot of work for one person and tbh not very achievable unless your CEO (who can get however many people to do it for them). But, it is possible to make small changes around you that can help you (and others). Communication is massive, whether it’s working with your team or looking after yourself.
Sorry if this is a bit of an essay filled with nonsense. It’s a complicated subject with a lot to be said (and done) about it!