I’ve had far too much time this month to think, due to an IT problem we broke something and have been unable to do a lot of work. A small team went to fix the cause, leaving most of us with little to do. So have been doing a fair bit of quick manual testing runs followed by loads of training courses, loads of online courses. One of them was all about better communication. Something I’ve been trying to raise from being my worst skill to at least be middling at. One crucial tip for persuasive communication is to always say less. As someone a bit on the over-communicating spectrum of things, I feel a lot of unconscious bias directed at me. Which discourages me from really engaging and participating and to share less often online and IRL.
I first noticed this when I joined troubleshooting meetings. Example: I want to understand a fault in the system so I raise it, but if I don’t word the way I describe the fault in a very specific non-blame way, people clam up. If I fail to make a ‘pitch’ and describe the impacts, which are obvious to me (but not the others), and if I fail to provide helpful solutions, then people ignore my question. And then ignore the fault also. They switch off unless you communicate carefully. It’s natural to switch off. This means I have had to come back the next day and re-state my case in positive language, which feels a waste of time. And feels like contrived and constructed and formal, and not human, not me talking. Especially since I’m busy too, this take time. It means I’m better off not raising issues at all until I am actually ready to raise them; even if the hamsters in my hamster-wheel of a mind are still twirling madly, I must stay silent. It also helps note that the hamsters make listening well hard for us too, we have to actively calm and wait.
I’m building a personal framework that really involves writing down issues, with some ideas, on paper, before raising them. I’m also just double-muting myself in meetings. In online forums, I have had to also shorten what I write, significantly. Which is hard when you have what is a large complex idea in your head, and you struggle to get out on paper and really want to help. But sometimes giving the first half of the solution, is all people need.
I do wonder how many subject matter experts out there remain mute, just because the mental load of explaining their very human viewpoint removes the humanity and self. The work to sanitizing their hamster-wheel mind output into something others want to hear is just a bridge too far.