As someone who never makes new year resolutions. This week, I was having a 2020 hindsight moment (It’s the last chance to do this BTW), thinking of all my friends who did make resolutions and broke them. Well that year floored them and screwed up their plans! So surely it will be easier to stick to anything I commit to improving in 2020? Resolutions for 2021 should be a walk in the park. Dry January will be as easy as pie!
As usual I’m going to advise against deciding that 2021 is a good time to join the new year solutions crowd. I mean what could go wrong? Why?
Well, on Sunday I was listening to a bloke who moved all the way to Ireland to start at a guitar making factory, and Simon said two things.
“Every time one of my friends succeeds I die a little.” goes the saying, which speaks to the part of each of us who see others around as as so much more skilled than ourselves. It’s easy to hate them for their luck, and Simon tells the story of a music producer friend who offered to do a number for their garage band. The band declined, and their mate went on to produce for the Soundtrack on a Disney blockbuster, ouch. Simon did not stop there. (I was reminded of @melissafisher writing an e-book , you can jump in there now Collaborative e-book . ) So Simon was asked by his brother to write a chapter in a book that ended up doing really well. Simon’s excuse was, I’m not an expert on the topic.
Little deaths inside when someone else succeeds. Which is an exaggeration really of Competition between people socially. It’s never actually expressed or even meant. It’s just human nature, to be observed.
Well Simon was not finished, he added another quote “Comparison is the thief of joy” - not sure who wrote it. But for me that explained a lot of angst. Because by comparing we fail to see not only ourselves positively, but fail to celebrate our victories and recognize our good.
And as such, when you have a victory, you really do want others to celebrate it with you. And so deep down, it’s harder to admit, but we do want to celebrate and share in the wins others make. Wins often made through doing all of the hard work. In this pandemic time it has been hard to do the “hard work”, and I’m wasting some of it writing this idea up, just because I am a very slow writer. So I’ll finish now before my boss fires me.
For me 2021 I resolve to overcome the blockage of comparing myself to others, and to just be there on the ground, doing what I do well, diligently, persistently and conscientiously. And to be HAPPY.
Ah this was a lovely post to read. I was on LinkedIn yesterday and someone I went to school with who had very similar opportunities to me growing up, has just secured an incredible role at a big company. My first feeling was jealousy (as I’m unhappy at the moment, but it’s just because the whole world is in flux), then guilt that I was jealous, and then finally happiness.
I’m still annoyed at myself for not being happy for them first.
I really hope this works out for you. It’s something I want to work on, too, and if you ever have any tips I’m all ears
My other un-resolution, and probably my main one, would be to stop being so negative! I’m naturally a cynical person and I’ve love to overcome that.
/disclaimer I’m not a mental heal expert /disclaimer
Consider yourself enrolled into the un-resolution club. Cynicism, or at some level at least paranoia, is a basic survival technique. But don’t write cynicism and criticality off as a not useful mode entirely, but was something I had wanted to touch on is; negativity and grumpiness, before I started running out of time to start this thread.
Faith, I think at the root of it, is we don’t want our friends and family to be unhappy. So in order to make them happier, we need to think of ways of being just a bit more sunshine, so that our friends do, still want to be around us. I’m no fan of any people telling me how I should feel though, I’m not capable of bottling up emotions kind of person. But, I don’t want my friends to leave me. I don’t think there is a happiness silver bullet, but one thing that is a map to happiness is to start discarding material possessions. Any possessions that cause you stress, Marie Kondo style. Churchill used to refer to his depression as his black dog, and various expositions of his condition causes exist on the internet. If you do think you have a black dog, perhaps find a place to take it out for walks, virtually of course.
I’m not entirely sure what an un-resolution is and I can’t seem to deduct what the concept is from the first post. Is it when you resolve to not do something? Isn’t that the same as resolving to do something but worded differently? Or is it simply not a resolution at all?
I use to think doing more was a sign of success - it really isn’t at all. My basic emotion to fulfil is to be happy - a bit much like what you have said @conrad.braam I want to fill my cup up with so much positive vibes that there’s no room for any negativity.
It sounds cheesy to be a positive person- but for some context and to be very open, I can be such an anxious / over thinker. I can dwell on problems and have sleepless nights. So my thoughts are focusing on doing what matters the most this year and that’s supporting myself, family, friends, colleagues, neighbours and strangers.
I think an un-resolution, rather than being the opposite of a resolution, is a different kind of promise you make yourself that generally is all about the vibes rather than explicit activities and milestones?
So if your resolution was “I’m going to draw a picture every day for the whole year” then you are probably going to fail, because you’ll meet a day you can’t do it, and then it all falls apart. The actual goal behind that resolution is to improve your drawing skills.
A corresponding un-resolution that might achieve the same goal better, would be something like “I’m going to make art that I love, and always find things I like about what I’ve drawn instead of putting myself down!” or maybe “This year I will find and interact with artists who are earlier on their journey than me, to give them the encouragement and support I wish I had a few years ago!”
Veerle , I’m always a little contrary to the system. But an un-resolution is about accepting who you are. But I think you have worked out that un-resolutions are also about NOT failing. @undevelopedbruce
has also deciphered my rambling intro it seems. Resolutions that are bound to fail give you a real knock sometimes.
For example: A number of people in the software testing industry struggle with impostor syndrome, and to be honest I sometimes do too. I have to look at the jobs I’ve held in my CV and then realise I’m actually well qualified. And then I move on. My 2021 message is about not beating yourself up because you are not setting yourself an awesome and smart new years resolution to do something better, but in fact to resolve to be more true to self and more real. In a pretty unreal year to be honest.
It’s human nature to want to have worth, and “work” is often central to our worth. I want us all to use projects that keep us doing useful “work”, work that boosts our self-value.
